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About Me Contributions Personal Pieces
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My name is Emilie, otherwise known as the lady who is intent on using her love of film to change the world's perspective on equality. SeekingAequitas chronicles all of the experiences that I will go through as I seek knowledge about our world and people in general, not just by various diary entries, but by my interactions with others and their personal perceptions about the world around them. There is nothing more fascinating then the deep personal connections that we all share with one another, so come inside and see for yourself how strange this place is.
Your journey starts now.
The point of listening to women and feminists is to listen to women and feminists. Because if you listen to them, you might start to understand certain basic points, such as: Women do not automatically have to accept you as an expert, particularly not when the subject under discussion (sexism!) is something you’ve never experienced first-hand. Women do not have to make you “comfortable” and “welcome” in every single conversation. Women do not automatically have to grant you a space in their discussions, on their blogs, or in their lives. Women do not have to permit you to enter their political movements, their self-created spaces, their personal space, their bodies, or anything else that belongs to them; you, as a man, are not entitled to women’s attention, praise, affection, respect, or company, just because you want it. And when a woman says “no,” you respect that this particular woman said “no,” and you stop. You don’t make excuses, you don’t explain why you should be able to get what you want, you don’t throw a tantrum, you don’t call that woman names: You just stop what you are doing. Because she said “no.”
Here’s where we appeal to that “lived experience” thing. Because: Have you ever had a guy come up to you — on the street, in a bar, whatever — and just straight-up say, “hey, I wanna talk to you?” Happens all the time, right? Happens to women, all the time. But have you ever just straight-up said, “no?” Not “no, I have a boyfriend,” or “no, I’m busy,” or “no, I have to race to save the city from the Joker’s diabolical machinations, for I am the Batman,” or any other excuse: Just the word “no,” by itself?
Yeah. So you know what happens next, after you say “no.” The guy always keeps talking. He tries wheedling, or begging, sometimes. But if you say “no” firmly enough, or often enough that he gets the point, the dude just starts yelling. He tells you that you’re not that hot. He tells you what a bitch you are. (“You bitch, I have a Rolls Royce,” was my favorite of these.) Sometimes he follows you down the street, yelling at you; sometimes, he follows you in his car. These dudes are always so fucking certain that they’re entitled to your time and attention that they will harass you until you give it, or at least until you’re scared and sorry for not giving it. You do not have the right not to interact, as far as these guys are concerned.
This is how women are conditioned to live within a sexist culture, and within a rape culture. (x)
We get into good colleges but are angry if we don’t get into every college we applied to. We are the captains of the basketball teams, the soccer stars, the swimming state champs with boxes full of blue ribbons. We win scholarships galore, science fairs and knowledge bowls, spelling bees and mock trial debates. We are the girls with anxiety disorders, filled appointment books, five-year plans.
We are the peacemakers, the do-gooders, the givers, the savers. We are on time, overly prepared, well read and witty, intellectually curious, always moving.
We are living contradictions. We are socially conscious, multiculti, and anticorporate, but we still shop at Gap and Banana Republic. We make documentary films, knit sweaters, and DJ. We are “social smokers,” secretly happy that the cigarettes might speed up our metabolisms, hoping they won’t kill us in the process.
We pride ourselves on getting as little sleep as possible and thrive on self-deprivation. We drink coffee, a lot of it. We are on birth control, Prozac, and multivitamins. We do strip aerobics, hot yoga, always go five more minutes than the limit on any exercise machine at the gym.
We are relentless, judgmental of ourselves, and forgiving of others. We never want to be as passive-aggressive as our mothers, never want to marry men as uninspired as our fathers. We carry the old world of guilt - center of families, keeper of relationships, caretaker of friends - with the new world of control/ambition - rich, independent, powerful. We are the daughters of feminists who said “You can be anything,” and we heard “You have to be everything.”
We must get A’s. We must make money. We must save the world. We must be thin. We must be unflappable. We must be beautiful. We must be perfect. We must make it look effortless.
- Courtney Martin | Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters
This is a post I made on my Dutch film/media blog. I liked it quite a bit, so that’s why I’m translating it into English for Tumblr. Original post in Dutch can be found here.
Since the rise of the internet the fan community, also known as ‘fandom’, has exploded. Whereas Star Trek fans in the previous century had to actively go out to share their opinions and creativity by going to conventions and found fanzines, nowadays the world of fandom is only a few keystrokes away for the average internet user. Every 13-year-old can use Photoshop to create manipulated images, scan one of their self-made drawings (also known as fan art) to put on Deviantart, make a fan video consisting of downloaded images or write thousands of words of fanfiction. This fanfiction is easy to find - on Google you can find every fic you could possibly want, seeing as there are thousands of fics about every possible subject for most fandoms.
My blog is about film, but I’m not interested in just writing reviews. Especially from a gender point of view I think it’s interesting to look at media, and what people do with media.
1. You Don’t Need A Guy To Take Care Of You: Terry never worked with a pimp through all her years on the streets. “I never did drugs and never worked for a pimp for protection. What protection? If I’m in someone’s car, about to die, ain’t no pimp in there helping me.”
2. Always Trust Your Gut: “You look for weapons, you check the back seat, and you go by your vibes. If they look strange, you stay away.”
3. Prayer Works: Terry never had a violent incident, she says, because she used her wits and had the spiritual support of her family. “I’ve survived because God was with me. Every Sunday, my mother and grandmother prayed for me out here.”
4. Never Apologize: “When [my children] were old enough to understand, I would tell them the truth. I’d say, ‘This is how I’m supporting you.’ For me, it’s a business, a regular job.”
5. Never Get In A Car With More Than One Strange Guy. Well, that just makes sense.
6. Save Your Money: Her life on the streets enabled her to put two of her four children through college and buy a house upstate.
7. Do What Brings You Joy: “I love the excitement of coming out here and seeing all these beautiful people I know,” says Terry of her life on the streets. “Even my dates are a comfort. This place has made me strong. It keeps you young.”
8. If The Cops Are Coming, Jump Into A Dumpster: Noted. 8 Life Lessons From A 52-Year-Old Prostitute - The Frisky (via thefrisky)